fucking bicycles!!!!

i fell off it. i got my bike stolen this morning so ern head let me borrow hers and i fucking fall off it right at bathurst and bloor. Someone has the adausity to honk aT me. FUCK YOU I JUST FELL OFF MY FUCKINGF BIKE! IM MAYBE A BIT HURT. FUCK!

Thought Blocked

I think about a lot of things and I feel like I've been using my blog for the wrong thing. A journal. I dont need a journal i know i wont keep up with it. I have thoughts that i quickly forget. too fast. I want to write those down. 

Like I just thought the other day, the reason my sister and i are so good of friends is because she is so much like my mom and i am so much like my dad. They got divorced yes but thats cause they had shit to deal with that sisters dont. we are a good team. she gets all stressed out about everything and im usually pretty calm. I feel bad when she gets all intense about things and i dont but i think its just how we differ. Not just that. We are alike to, i mean we grew up together but I do think my parents WERE in love, there personalities collided and they liked each other. and i like my sissy. I miss her.

I'm confused. I come up with crazy ideas when im stoned but then writing them so they make sense is a challenge. How ever when im not high i think i was thought blocked and still can't write anything. So i guess i'll have to go with the bad writing skillz any way.

Love.

Cave in the Concrete Jungle

Sometimes I get afraid of blogs, like anyone can come across this what if they know its me and I'm writing about them. creepy. creepy.

I've still been having a crazy month but things are getting pushed back because of a stupid boy. He just stopped talking to me. First it was all, I'll bring a comb next time i sleep over. Now it's nothing. just nothing. WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME? It sucks mostly because I know its because of him ignoring me that i want him so much more! fuck!

I hate this part, i hate not having someone to cuddle me at night. he was the best cuddler.

And now mr hot hands is coming back who refuses to cuddle ever...i dont think i can stand for that. nope. no me. no way. no how. 

In other news, I live by a train and at night it rocks my bed slightly. I love it, it practically rocks me to sleep. I told the girl making me coffee that and she told me i should call and complain because its dangerous, all the commercial chemicals.  

A couple nights ago i had to leave the apartment for a couple hours so i went for a tea and got so tired. I put the shield up in the back part of my wagon and slept under it for a hour. I loved it, i felt surprisingly safe because I knew no one could see me and i was all curled under the blanket. I won't tell Ern because I know she will feel bad even though I liked it. 

I felt like I was in the cave of a concrete jungle. 

Out. Off. Bye.

1,2,3 O'clock FOUR O' COCK rock!!!

Who knew that when you get into a strangers car filled with 4 guys that you your night would be perfectly safe and totally fucked up!

After work I was going to meet Jayson at 157 for a drink and some music. It was too early so I got a tea at Futures to waste time and decide if I really want to go. Out side having a dart I listen to these three guys scaring these girls, drunkly telling them stories and trying to pick them up. I can't help but laugh the girls scamper off. We are the only people out side and I'm by myself so I talk to them. One guy Erik is like the exact same as me. He's going to culinary school , works at a camp and blazes too much. (There's much more to me then this but these are pretty similarities) The other guy is waiting for his buddy to bring his cocaine, Suprise! I'm very casual even though I am so clueless to the idea.
Some how we make agreements that if I help them move a fish tank then we will all go to 157 for a drink after. Sweet free ride, these guys are pretty chill, why not. . . Turns out the fish tank is five feet tall, eight feet wide. FUCKING HUGE! luckily it's on wheels but they are sunken in. Believe it or not the tank was pulled out and we tow it with the dippers car. Four blocks walking with the fish tank, easier then I thought. Going over gravel was a challenge though. (I could get much more descriptive about the fish tank but thats a little too intense)
We all go back to Dippers house and, wow, I loved it. It was a huge factory loft with so many different levels and all the right things inside, maniak! So one thing leads to another and I'm playing pool, getting my stinky feet rubbed then doing a line of cocaine. Time goes slowly, I love it. I go in the hot tub and watch shows on the projector then venture upstairs to be asked if I'd like to have a threesome. His girlfriend was mad, totally didn't want to do it so of course I said no, how awkward would it be. Though honestly I was intrigued, I have always been curious. We talk a bit, I'm very interested in this guy. Not sexually I'm just curious, I have no idea what this guy is like except what I see around me and it's pretty neat. neat.
Mike (haha) and I leave and take a taxi together, its pretty far from my house so he gets dropped off and I go to queen and bathurst to take the street car the rest of the way. It was too funny after Mike got out the taxi the cab driver and I have a huge conversation about prostitutes and how we think they were awful and beautiful but should take better care. It's three a.m. and I'm still pretty high so I ask the cabbie to slow down to see if Jayson is still out. HE IS! The night is over so we get in the same taxi I was in before and go to his house. WHAT A GREAT IDEA! One thing leads to another and four! one two three Four orgasms later, six in the morning I rest my head and happily go to sleep.
On top of it all, A NEW ...........(USED).............. CAR!



I've noticed things always go really great the last month you're in a place.

Maybe I don't Stay long enough.

Perhaps I'm pushing my luck.




Thank-you.

Fuck me or don't Touch me.

I'm in my cats room right now. She's packing. Her mom comes to move her stuff and she hasnt even started packing. My dad came yesterday to pick up my stuff. I felt awful because he was here ten minutes took my stuff and drove the two hours back home.

SORRY DADDY!

So Roy just left today. Him and a friend are travelling east of Canada for a month, its going to be amazing. Are we amazing though? I'm so confused all the time around him. We have hit a barrier.....

I really love the song MOUTH by Merril Bainbridge.

Van Morrison will you marry me?

....See this is the thing. He will either fuck me or not touch me.
I don't get it, he says he's too hot all the time but he wont even hold my hand in public or kiss me when he leaves. It's not like we are dating or anything but I'm a girl who requires contact, just a little.
My other friend Jayson and I randomly slept together a couple weeks ago and he drove me crazy with his firm grip and arms around me. Even when we slept his hands stayed tight around me like a permanent hug.


I'm going to call him tonight.

Nothin Too Cool

Im in my chair. Roy is here. We're not talking .... i don't know what to say?

I never have time to write I full post I have so many thoughts so little typing skillz. I'll have to work on that.

I LOVE PANIC

Blog Fog

I fucking did it!
This took way too long but I got it, she's here. Louanne has a Blog.....